"'Quotes' Only"

Old Crooners

2010-12-11T18:07:00.005-05:00

When watching movies that have soundtracks of old singers like Sinatra, Louis Armstrong, Jimmy Durante, etc. I'll quiz my kids: "Quick! Who's that singing?" They usually give me the ThereGoesDadAgain eyeroll and say "I don't know." If it's a good movie, they throw in "and I don't care" to get me to shut up.

I got a shock tonight. A movie with Sinatra singing was on and I popped my usual question. Before I could finish, Sarah calmly says, "Sinatra." My jaw dropped opened and I said, "how'dja know?" "Because he's the one that sounds like Michael Buble."

Sick day amusements

2010-08-02T13:12:00.001-04:00

David: Lizzie, can I open this juice?
Me: No, David, it has sugar in it, and you and I can't have sugar while we're still sick.
David: But it's the only juice we have! What else am I supposed to quench my thirst with?
Me: Um, water?
David: How about if there's just a little bit of sugar?
Me: No.
David: What if it's only 2 grams?
Me: No.
David: What about 1 gram?
Me: Okay, if it has only 1 gram, then you can have some.
David: *checks the back of the bottle* 25 grams. Man, missed it by THAT much. *holds up an inch*
Me: No, missed it by THAT MUCH. *hands a foot apart*
David: *gets some water*

Joel: What, you didn't open this juice?
Me: No, David and I can't have any because there's sugar in it.
Joel: But I can?
Me: As long as you're not sick.
Joel: Do you want me to tell you how good it tastes?
Me: Yes!
Joel: Really? Cause wouldn't that make you want to drink it?
Me: I already want to drink it, so I wouldn't mind knowing how it tastes.
Joel: Oh, okay.
Me: So how does it taste?
Joel: Not very good. You're lucky.

Sarah: Are you making muffins? Cause if you're making muffins, I'm going to die!
Me: "Die" in a good way, or "die" in a bad way?
Sarah: Like in a "I'M GOING TO DIE IT'S SO FLUFFY!*" kinda way.
Me: ... in that case, yes, I'm making muffins.

*Quote from "Despicable Me"

Gullible At Scrabble

2009-12-09T08:01:00.007-05:00

At Thanksgiving we had our 2nd annual Scrabble tournament. After one of the games we came back to the table to discover that Sarah had set up the board as it is on the right. One in our party sat down to complete the task.

Lizzie: Don't do it.
Solver: I don't understand.
Lizzie: You know it can't be done!
Solver: [ignores plea]
Lizzie: She's tricking you!
Sarah and I: [watch solver work]
Lizzie: I can't believe you're falling for this!
Solver: [ignores plea]
Lizzie: [in a matter of fact voice]You know, "gullible" is written on the ceiling.
Solver, Sarah, & I: [surprised at her statement, we simultaneously look up]

Don't Listen To Me

2009-11-11T10:49:00.006-05:00

Both David and Joel are at their computers. David asks Joel how to do something (I'm not sure what it was. Probably some inane game thing). David complains about Joel's instructions.

Joel: David! Don't ever listen to what I say again!
David: OK
Joel: YOU DID IT AGAIN!
David: WHAT?
Joel: AREN'T YOU LISTENING? YOU LISTENED TO WHAT I SAID! DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE!? CAN I BE ANY CLEARER? DO YOU GET IT NOW!?
David: [long silence]
Joel: GOOD!!

Quick! Be Clumsy

2009-10-20T07:38:00.010-04:00

The weather is here. Our annual "Bring In The Plants" activity was done last week. Sheila, Joel, David, and I got them into the house one evening. When David set down a top heavy plant on its 3 foot high stand, it fell off. I was instantly taken back to a scene in the movie "Ronin" where Robert DeNiro covertly pushes a cup of coffee off a table to test the reaction time of a comrade played by Stellan Skarsgård. He catches the cup right above the floor without spilling a drop. Just like Stellan, David caught the plant inches from the floor. His reflexive actions were impressive.

Joel: I wish I was clumsy so I could show you how good my reflexes are.

Happiness...

2009-10-06T10:36:00.002-04:00

On a beautiful day at Meredith, sitting in a gazebo near the pond, little droplets begin to sprinkle in the pond, and Allison remarks: "How is it raining? There's, like, no sky out!"

Me (being philosopher-ish): "In order to be happy, you have to think happy; not think about how you wish you were happy."

Marck: "Happy...happy...happy...happy...HAPPY....HAPPY!!! YES!!"

At the Sound of Music, before the show in the lobby there were goat marionettes like the ones in the show for sale.

Kara (freaking out ecstatically): "Oh, look! They have little odel-ay things!!"

In the girl's locker room after water polo, somehow the conversation had a strange shift towards the supernatural.

Rachel F.: "It would be so cool to be a ghost! Then you could be right beside someone and they wouldn't know."

Rachel J: "Yeah, you could haunt people and stuff! Follow them everywhere!"

Kara: "Oh, no...if I were a ghost, I wouldn't want to haunt anybody...that would be mean!!"

Joel: "It took me, like, a year to read Lord of the Rings."

Me: "Whoa, you're a slow reader too?"

Joel: "No...I read the first two books and halfway through the third in one week....then I lost the third book for a year, and finished reading it once I found it."

Me: "Oh."

Of guys and their tools

2009-09-29T19:16:00.002-04:00

In English class this morning, a woman brought in a tool set for women that she had found. The next fifteen minutes we spent talking about guys and their tools.

"You know, I wouldn't have a problem with him having all these tools, and not letting me touch them, except for one thing. He leaves them lying around; there is NO organization!! I even found a hammer on my bed the other day!"

"Tools are like legos for men!!!! They can't have one, they gotta have 600!!!!! And five different screw drivers that do the exact same thing!"

Random. Like rulers and chipmunks.

2009-08-12T23:35:00.004-04:00

Joel: you should slow down for speed bumps so you don't jump over them so far.

(while talking about ghosts) Kara: if you could come back, I don't think I would... It would be *mean* to haunt people!

(while we were having a nice family chat) Joel:*gasp* cabbages!! [runs out of the room]

Mom: Joel, would you rather have a rabbit or a banana tree?
Joel: banana tree.
Mom: I want a duck, can you give me one?
Dad: .... I'll just have a popsicle

(when we discovered a very evil bug in our car) Joel: It's weird how big it's STINGER is.

--Sarah

We ARE???

2009-06-17T08:16:00.002-04:00

Getting dressed in the locker room after a swim meet:

Rachel F: "My pants are wet!"

Rachel J: "My shirt is wet."

Anna E: "My pants are wet, too!"

Rachel F: "Hey, guys.....we must be at a swim meet!"

Caution!!

2009-06-09T14:14:00.004-04:00

Me: *trips going up the stairs*
Joel: "Hey, Lizzie, there's stairs there!"

A few minutes later, I was mopping up the drink that I spilled when I tripped, and Joel comes back.
Joel: "I think I'll put a 'Caution: stairs' sign at the bottom of the stairs, so you won't trip going UP the stairs anymore!"

Dude, you should've been there!!

2009-04-12T22:15:00.006-04:00

Joel: One time, I wanted cherries for breakfast, but mom said, "no, we don't have any cherries."

After Daddy won his second Scrabble game out of two, Joel suggested they play team Scrabble.
Mom: Huh? What's that?
Joel: You like, add two people's scores together.
Mom: Oh! We should do that!
Joel: Yeah, that way, there's less losers!!

Unfortunately, these quotes are the kind where you had to have been there. The first one still cracks me up when I think of it. :P

--Sarah

Hmmm....

2009-03-28T23:02:00.003-04:00

Jessica plays a big, deep version of "Mary Had a Little Lamb" on the piano. Marck (singing loudly and terribly out of tune): "Mary had a gigantic lamb whose fleece was white as a....a....YETI or something...."

One day after swim team:

Matt: "You ahve a Reatta sweatshirt??"

Marck: "Yeah, I made it myself."

Me: "So you have heard about Marck's Reatta possession/obsession, Matt?"

Matt: "Yes, I have."

Rachel J: "What is Reatta? Is that a brand of clothes?"

Randomly at a Radical Wednesday:

"For some weird reason I like fighting with people...I just....like it." ~Matt

Recommended by my mother:

"At least I know there are people in this world who are more stupid than me." ~Jessica (moi).

Joel Gets Hit By A Pitch

2009-03-23T23:07:00.009-04:00

Joel verbalized what he was thinking when he got hit by a pitch today. He's standing in the batters box waiting for the first pitch. As the ball comes way low and inside he thinks to himself in a 1/2 laughing voice, "Wow, that's a bad pitch." Then in a voice very similar to Farkas's toady*, he whispers a long "Ow".

It reminded me of a cartoon that makes Sarah and me laugh.

* From the movie Christmas Story. Farkas and his toady start trading licks to the arm until finally the toady whispers "Ow. Man!" and starts rubbing his injury.

The long awaited... and the basketballs.

2009-01-27T00:38:00.000-05:00

Matt was trying to dissolve Nathan's shoelace:
Matt: I don't have my fabric dessolver!
Joel: Here, you can use mine.
Matt: Oh! Thanks. *sprays imaginary container*
Nathan: Ha! It didn't work! My shoelace is still here!
Joel: Woops!! That's not fabric dessolver! It's insta-cheese!! *sprays it in his mouth*
Nathan: Joel, you're not allowed to have any more insta-cheese.
Joel: *is devastated*
Matt: Balogna, however....
Joel: Ohh! I can have a sandwich! Insta-balogna, insta-cheese--
Matt: No! No more insta-cheese!
Joel: Ok, fine! Insta-bagel, insta-mayo, and insta-egg!! .....*makes chicken sound*...oh wait..... that's chicken.

During a Hawks Middle School game, a player from the other team falls out of bounds, and the ref blows his whistle...
*pause*
Isaac: He's out!!
Ref: ...That was a good call.
Isaac: *Pause* Thank you!

Nathan P. rode with us to the basketball games today...

Talking about recent injuries:
Nathan: what did you do to your pinkie?
David: I smashed it on the Ping Pong table going for the ball.
Nathan: Ouch.
Joel: yeah, it's been blue like that for like a month.
Nathan: I hit my hand on [something] the other day.
David: Ooo. That doesn't look bad.
Nathan: no, it wasn't that bad.
Joel: I smashed my big toe with a rock!

As we drove past a car lot:
Joel: *gasp* cool car. ... *gasp* cool car. ... *gasp* cool car.
David: Cool balloons....

Then Joel was talking about how he was going to make and sell cars when he grows up:
Joel: I'll use all my money and make one car. Then I'll sell it, and use that money to make two cars...
David: That won't work.
Joel: yeah it will.
Me: As long as you keep making the cars nicer...
Joel: I'll have to start out with hotwheels. Then move up to remote controlled cars... Then regular cars.
Nathan: And then cars that work.
Joel: yeah! Cars that run.
Nathan: Cars that have tires.
Joel: Cars that have steering wheels!!
Nathan: Your cars before are just nothing but the frame. No engine or anything.
Joel: And I have to stand up, 'cause there's no seats! To get them to go, I have to take them to the top of a hill.....
Nathan: I can see you, standing in the frame of a car with no steering wheel or tires, on the top of a hill... then give it a push and down you go! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-- then you hit a tree.

--Sarah

A lot from Marck and a little from Matt...

2009-01-23T21:21:00.004-05:00

While I was getting my various morning vitamins out of their containers...

Marck: "Can you get me an oregano oil capsule while you are getting one?"

Me: "No, get one yourself."

Marck: "But - but - but - but -but -but -but - but - rear end - but - but - but....."

As we were all trying to get down from the H's tree house:

Matt: "Don't insult me when I'm on a swinging ladder!"

Marck was doing his Bible study while I was sorting laundry...

Marck (reading from the study text): "What is your first impression of Saul?" (to himself): "Hm.....Saul....Paul...."

Me: "What book are you reading?"

Marck: "First Samuel."

Me: "That isn't the same Saul that becomes Paul, you know."

Marck: "It isn't? You mean there are two Sauls in the Bible and I don't know anybody named Saul???"

Me: "Well, yeah."

Marck: "I am going to name one of my kids Saul. And another one Paul. And when I have a girl I will name her Mall because that is her favorite place to go. I have a fat kid and name him Ball because he will be round like one. Then there will be Tall because he is tall. I'll have two clumsy kids and name one Fall and the other Wall because he'll be like you and always be running into things. And the baby's name will be Small."

The Dancing Dead

2009-01-15T08:23:00.004-05:00

Sounds like the name of a band or something.

It's another quote heard while driving somewhere. We were recently invited to a dance/party and my boys were remarking on their distaste for the activity (dancing, not partying).

David: I wouldn't be caught dead dancing.
Joel: I wouldn't be caught dancing if I was dead.

Isn't that interesting. Both statements essentially mean the same thing, but the latter one appears ridiculous.

A few quotes that have been waiting...

2009-01-05T13:17:00.003-05:00

While watching “The Greatest Game Ever Played” (a golf movie):
Daddy: Well, he HAS to make it, because otherwise they wouldn’t have made a movie about it.
Sarah: Nevertheless, here we are, wondering whether he’ll make it or not.

Alec: Joel, are you mad at me 'cause I killed you?
Joel: No, not really.

Marck: Jessica!!
Jessica: Yes?
Marck: ... I forgot.
A few minutes later...
Marck: Jessica!
Jessica: Yes....?
Marck: I remembered! Do you want to play flashlight tag?

~Lizzie

Christmas Day Gift

2008-12-31T06:55:00.007-05:00

"Hot Dog! A shirt just like the one I'm wearing!"; uttered by Joel on behalf of Sarah right as the flash went off; not said by Sarah herself. And she actually did like the shirt, although the color looks the same. The one she's wearing is a knock around and the one she got was like a nice sweater.

More Will Quotes

2008-12-10T21:59:00.005-05:00

David's friend Will stayed over again, and like last time, I've a bevy of quotes that are much more funny in person.

Will: David is an advanced form of insane. Syptoms are yelling, screaming and calling other people 'emo.'

David and Will were untangling a rope, but they called it "ripping apart the small intestines." And then David said: Hey, small intestines would work good for saving someone drowning!
Will: Yeah, just go up to someone else and say, "Hey, can I borrow this for a sec?"

Will: David! Stop hitting my knee with my hand!
*pause*
Will: Okay, stop hitting YOUR knee with my hand. Hit your own knee with your own hand.
*pause*
Will: Now you're hitting your face with my hand?
*pause*
Will: All right, *joking* I know you're mad, so you can hit my knee with my hand now.

And a bonus quote from me and Sarah.
Sarah: She thought it was funny.
Me: She didn't get it.

Nerf Incidents

2008-12-08T21:34:00.005-05:00

Last year for Christmas, either Marck or Robert got a set of Nerf weapons...a bazooka, and a hand gun. They are lots of fun, but there are two of those and three of us. This particular time, I had the hand gun, Robert had the bazooka, and Marck had grabbed a yard stick out of haste in an effort to defend himself.

Once this had gone on for a while, Robert stopped and said: "Okay, guess who I am." He pointed the bazooka at Marck. " 'Wanna dance, Twinkle-Toes?' "

Marck and I stared blankly and blinked, not recalling that line being used in any movie we had seen. "Who?"

Robert sighed and said exasperatedly, "Joel, of course!"

A little bit later, the "battle" came to an end when I accidently shot Marck in the eye....

Jessica: "I'm sorry, Marck."

(Marck is silent, holding an ice pack to his eye).

Dad: "Marck, say you forgive her."

Marck: "I do not forgive you."

Dad: "Marck...."

Marck: "See, I said 'I forgive you', but I just added in a few more little words!"

For the record it was an accident. :D

Coolness

2008-11-28T00:25:00.008-05:00

Calvin and Hobbes being cool is sooo funny to me ... and it's...cool. The quote "What fun is it being 'cool' if you can't wear a sombrero?" needs to be on a bumper sticker somewhere. It's so true. WHY!? Why can't you be cool wearing a sombrero or ... Micky Mouse pants!? WHY!?

Sarah, my youngest daughter and fellow contributer, recently took a cool picture of Mattrix's "band" "The Slightly Psychedelics." A handful of cool teens but no sombrero in sight. Aw man it would've been sweeeet with a sombrero in there somewhere.

On a completely unrelated quote, Joel said after a recent Hawk's Basketball game, "We invented 'The Ripple'. It's kinda like 'The Wave', but there's only 5 of us."

Pseudo Bushism

2008-11-23T22:46:00.006-05:00

Joel: David blah blah blah'd me!
David: Joel's misoverexaggerating again.

Sorta reminds me of the bushism: misunderestimate. I'm almost certain I heard Daffy Duck say "strategery" in an old episode of Duck Dodgers today!

So what does misoverexaggerate mean? How about "to exaggerate to the point of being absurd." But wait...isn't that what over exaggerate means? Maybe it means "to exaggerate to the point of being absurdly absurd." Or maybe I'm misoverthinking it.

It's Hip to be Random...

2008-11-16T22:59:00.006-05:00

While watching the fireworks on the last day of the fair: “Don’t you think it would be neat if, when you die, you were cremated and made into a firework? Then you could be shot off at your funeral!” --Scott

After Marck accused me of lying to him and I told him I had just told him half of the truth, Nathan J says, “She’s been telling half the truth twice as long as she says she has.”

Mr. B. (Elizabeth and Michelle’s dad) was reading some news off the internet, including a bit about Starbucks’ profits falling 93%, and NASA had lost contact with Mars. Suddenly Sam exclaimed, “Starbucks is losing money because NASA lost communication with Mars, and Mars is where Starbucks gets all their recipies!”

Robert had taken a black marker and begun to draw a moustache on the woman on the cover of the JCPenny calalogue.
Jessica: “Well, she was pretty before.”
Marck: “And not now?”
Jessica: “Marck…are you attracted to women with facial hair?”
Marck: “Well…Aunt Ruth is my girlfriend.”

Robert’s budding comedian-isms:
Robert: “Ask me how I file my nails.”
Jessica: “Okay, how do you file your nails?”
Robert: “Under ‘N’.”

Just one of those interesting conversations:
Matt: “Yeah, fettuccine does sound good right about now.”
Jessica: “I just made some.”
Matt: “E-mail me some, if you don't mind.”
Jessica: “Well, you’ll have to wait a bit. I’ll have to upload it and convert the format....you know how some noodles don't run well on Vista...”
Matt: “Wait, do you have the same problem with macaroni that I do?”
Jessica: “Yes, macaroni gives me a terribly hard time!”
Joel: “I have a bug…when I email pineapple upside-down cake, they receive it upside-right.”
Matt: “Does it still taste okay?”
Joel: “It tastes like it’s been in the microwave for, like, three hours.”
Jessica: “Hmm…maybe there’s a problem with your server. The worst has to be sushi, though…”
Matt: “I thought sushi was strictly Macintosh. Is there some sort of hack I should have known?”
Jessica: “No, I’ve never been able to upload sushi! That must be my problem. Where did you read that?”
Matt: “My uncle is a chef. He told me.”
Jessica: “Aha…has he ever tried mashed potatoes? I’m afraid to.”
Matt: “Hundreds of times. He says the trick is to not move the bar until the progress bar is 100% completed…”

a assortment of quotes that have piled up.

2008-11-10T16:50:00.004-05:00

As we walked by our brothers, staring at their computer screens...
Lizzie: Every time I walk by my brothers, I am awed by their intelligence.

At band...
Mr. Page: With this piece, y'all have to be able to watch at two pages at the same time. You have to watch at that page, and this Page. *points at himself*

Also at band. (unfortunately, this would be funnier if I spoke french, but with the help of a translation site, I took a wild guess at what was said in french...)
Mr. Page: OK trumpets, y'all aren't getting this part... *bum-bums it* ...Ok? Just the trumpets...
Mark: I don't have that part, I have nothing then something totally different.
Mr. Page: Oh, well then just double with Danny for it. *They play it.*
Mr. Page: that was better... ...again.
Mark: but, that part here goes right into my part.
Mr Page: yeah, just go straight out of that into yours, Ok?
Mark: ....
Mr. Page: Comprenez?
Mark: Oh. I get it.
Mr. Page: L'obtenir?.... Bien?...... Obtenu il?
Mark: I GET IT.

We were talking about how David's behavior has been improving lately...
Joel: What? He attacked me this morning!!
Daddy: Because you broke his lego scene.
Joel: No, because I broke his lego airplane. I accidentally hit it with a beanie baby.
Me: How'd you do that?
Joel: I was throwing it at David.
Lizzie: Why?
Joel: He was throwing them at me!
Lizzie: And why was he doing that?
Joel: I don't know...
David: He karate chopped me!!
Daddy: Why'd you do that?
Joel: I was trying to read, and he was dancing like a ghost!
David: SO??
Daddy: what's wrong with that?
Joel: On my BED.

While we were talking about how I needed a new lens for my camera(my zoom lens is broken!) :(
Joel: if you had a zoom lens and a microscope lens they'd cancel each other out and you wouldn't have a lens at all.

--Sarah

Unwritten...

2008-11-04T22:32:00.003-05:00

Something is going on here...

"'You can always tell a man by his spelling.' - Quote that Matt just made up." --Matt, aka The Mattrix

"'Joel, get a grip, Halloween is over.' - My never-said quote. DON'T QUOTE." --Joel H.

Well, I just quoted Joel. I guess I'll become known for quoting things that shouldn't be quoted.....*thinks back on the 10-years-Beowulf-paper-date quote*

Sarah and David

2008-10-31T16:04:00.003-04:00

As the boys were leaving for basketball, Daddy asked them: Do you have your waterbottles?
David: Yes!
Daddy: Do you have your basketballs?
David: Yes!
Daddy: Do you have your heads?
David *high-pitched wailing*: NoooOOO!

Sarah: You're one of the best kinds of cooks.
Me *surprised*: Thank you!
Sarah: The kind that cleans up afterwards. Artistic cooks leave a mess 3 times as big as the clean cook and don't clean up.
Me: Like you?
Sarah: Yeah.
Me: *realizes it was NOT a compliment*

Baseball practice

2008-10-26T19:38:00.003-04:00

At baseball practice Friday. Sean is standing in the batter's box, getting ready to bat. Coach is on the pitcher's mound.

Christiaan: Sean, you need a helmet! Your dad is... bad at aiming. *throws him a helmet*
Prescott (I think it was Prescott) - From the outfield: "Christiaan!!! Is that my helmet?"
Christiaan: Yeah.....
Prescott: Well, stop taking it out and not putting it back!

They were playing some kind of game where you got points depending on how far you hit the ball... and Noah had 2 points. He came up to bat and hit a ball to the fence (which was 5 points) and then he hit another that was going towards the fence... and towards Joel. It was hilarious for Sarah and I, who were sitting on the bleachers waiting to take Joel home. Coach, and all the guys watched and started shouting. "Joel!!!!!! STOP THE BALL!"
Noah got another 5 points. But Sean won at the end with 14 points to Noah's 12.

Baseball practice is so funny to watch. It's really funnier if you're there.

~Lizzie

Driving skillzz

2008-10-06T18:38:00.004-04:00

My little sister and our friend Kara are doing the driving portion of driver's ed this week. We picked them up today (to take David to basketball, and to return Kara to her dad [who is the basketball coach, for those who don't know] and then take Sarah to band). They got out of the driver's ed car and the first thing Kara says to me is....
Kara: Sarah's a better parker than you.
Mrs. SC (the only driver's ed teacher that homeschoolers get. :P ): Yep, we're going to make her a better parker than you.
Me: *is immensely hurt, not only at the cruel comparison of my honed parking skills to that of my newly driving little sister, but also that I didn't merit a "hey" from my friend, whom I hadn't seen for one whole day*

Have I mentioned that I hate parking?

~Lizzie

In ten years there will be a record of this...

2008-10-05T18:28:00.005-04:00

At swim practice Friday morning, we were doing 25 sprints. Coach Marty would say, "Take your marks...go!" at the appropriate intervals for everybody. But most of the people kept false starting (not me, I am very happy to report). So after a while, Coach Marty sighed and said in a rolling-eye-ish tone of voice, "Alright guys, let's practice going on the 'go' and not on the 'take your marks.'"

Tim K. (from improv) and I were on the topic of Led Zeppelin, and he started talking about a video of the reunion tour he had watched on YouTube. "Have you seen Robert Plant's hair? It's still long, but it's all white. He looks like a witch...a witch with a perm."

Mrs. Avery on the subject of the looming mid-term: "Don't think of it as a dreary mid-term test. Think of it as a mid-term PARTY!!"

Also, I shook my head when Mrs. Avery said this, because I knew as soon as she did that I would quote her on here: "In ten years nobody is going to know we extended the date for the Beowulf paper three times..."

*smirks*

Time is running out.....

2008-10-04T22:11:00.004-04:00

I finally have a quote! *Disco Party*

I was up moving boxes into an attic with a friend. There was no ventilation, and the attic was freshly painted, and filled with noxious, toxic, choking vapors. I finally said in exasperation: "I feel as if with every breath, my life is getting shorter!" Then I said, as I realized: "Wait. That's what is happening." It's just funny to think about it that way...

Alternate personalities and sharing hands.

2008-10-03T19:16:00.004-04:00

Lately I've been amusing myself by talking to Sarah and Joel's alternate personalities.

Jenny (Sarah's alternate personality with a high-pitched voice): I want some ice cream!
Me: Oh, Jenny's back! You've been gone a while.
Jenny: Yes, I went to New Zee-*gasp*-a-land! I got to *gasp* see the canyon-thing they were riding through when they were being chased by the White Witch's army!
Me: Are you blonde?
Jenny: Yes..... why do you ask?

Lenny (One of Joel's alternate personalities. He has two, the other is called Bubba and Bubba is more popular): No one likes me.
Me: Well, Lenny, Bubba usually shows up whenever Joel's at swimming and stuff. None of Joel's friends know about you. They might like you if you'd just let them meet you.
Lenny: I don't want to.
Me: Then stop complaining that no one likes you. Joel's family are the only people that know you, and we all like you.

And I just forgot what Lenny said about Joel, so I asked Jenny, who is sitting next to me at the moment.

Me: Do you remember what Lenny said about Joel?
Jenny: No, I don't.
Me: Go back to being Sarah for a second, Sarah's not blonde.
Jenny: I don't want to go back to being Sarah, she's too stressed out; she annoys me.

(disclaimer: they don't REALLY have alternate personalities, they just do it for fun)

Earlier today on the way to basketball practice David was holding out one of his hands and telling Joel, "Okay, this is you." And then Joel smacked the hand and David laughed. "You're hitting yourself! That's you!"
Joel hit his hand 3 more times.
David: That's you! Ow, ow!!

It was funny, but I had to make them stop. After all, Joel was hitting David.... even though they both thought it was funny.

~Lizzie

Random things which are said...

2008-09-26T23:42:00.005-04:00

Elizabeth B. early one morning: "Yes, I like that there's lots of........um...repetitivity....in it."
Me: "Repetition?"
Elizabeth: "Umm...yeah."

At the gift shop after seeing the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit, Scott and I are looking at jewelry made out of replicas of Qumran coins and contemplating their significance, and he says: "I don't think I would buy those...I mean, I wouldn't want to be wearing Roman emperors on my ears."

Alex on my driving: "You drive really good, Jessica...better than your mom. She drives kind of slow, but there's nothing like hearing the roar of a minivan engine..."

Wednesday Quotes

2008-09-24T22:18:00.004-04:00

Daddy: *finishes swimming butterfly* Joel, how did I look?
Joel: No child should have to see their parent swim butterfly.

On the way to Radical Wednesday prayer meeting...

Sarah: I have an imaginary friend and Joel has two alternate personalities. Which one is more weird??
Kara: I'm not going to answer that.... In my world and my country, they call me normal.
Sarah: What is normal? What are cows?
Kara: Humphrey is a cow.

Sarah: Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy is a great movie!
Kara: I think my brother read the book, who was it written by?
Sarah: I confess..... I wrote it.
Kara: So THAT's why you're so stressed! All the hate mail.
Sarah: *shocked* You know about the hate mail???
Kara: *smug* I know all.
Sarah: Ah! You wrote it, didn't you?!?
Kara: *no comment*

*silence*
Kara: A duck died. (Referring to the saying that for every awkward silence, somewhere a duck dies)
Sarah: Abraham Lincoln! (Referring to the saying that for every awkward silence, someone in the conversation is thinking of Abraham Lincoln)
Kara: No! You didn't think of Abraham Lincoln! (Kara doesn't like the Abraham Lincoln saying.)
Sarah: I had to think it to say it!!!!!
Kara: *hmph*

On the way home from Radical Wednesday....

The boys are begging for a bedtime extension since their friend Will is staying over tonight.
Daddy: Well, you can't stay up too late or you won't get up on time in the morning.
Will: OO!! I know how to get them up! Whenever I'm here, they lean over the side of the bed and STARE.. at me til I wake up.
Joel:.... we're just waiting for you to wake up.
Will: Well, you could say, "Wake up, Will!" or throw pillows are me or something. You don't have to STARE.. at me.

During the prayer meeting, David fell out of his chair.
Will: So, David, I just have one question.... how did you manage to fall out of the chair? You just fell out, and I looked at you and you were bleeding all over the place, and I was like, Oh, gosh, he's split his mouth!
David: Yeah, I just had my feet up...
Will: And then you're like "doo, it's cobing frob by dose" and go running out of the room. And I was like, oh my gosh, he's bleeding severely, he needs medical attention! I was getting ready to get someone to call 911. I'm surprised you didn't go into a coma. Didn't it hurt?
David: Naw... well, the impact hurt a little, but the nosebleed didn't hurt.
Will: Well, OF COURSE the impact hurt!
Joel: *mutters* Nosebleeds are fun.
Will: OMGosh, did you just say that nosebleeds are fun?
Joel: Yeah...
Will: *sarcastically* Oh, oh, yes!! I'm bleeding all over my arm!! *pumps fist* Yes!! Ooo, it's running down my face! Yay!! *pumps fist again*

A Nice Stock of Beowulf Quotes

2008-09-23T13:04:00.003-04:00

I've been very un-diligent in writing down my quotes so most of these are paraphrases that my mind has messed up, and for that I am terribly sorry to...okay, I'm going to not call my English teacher "The Professor Avery" because, according to her, she's not yet a professor. So she's Mrs. Avery from now on, 'kay? Good, you got it. Here's some of what I've learned in class these past few weeks:

"I always think it's fitting to watch a movie on the day before a break from school. So we're going to turn off the lights now and watch this movie about Grendel...now, no hanky, and no panky."

"Thanes are the 'free retainers' or basically the soldiers in the Anglo-Saxon time. Now, they aren't to be confused with Danes, which in the case of Beowulf is what they were. So...that would make them Dane-Thanes!"

"Now, your papers should be only five pages long, no more. Now, if you have Diarrhea of the Computer and keep writing more and more, you need to come see me."

"Okay, now, your papers are due on three dates. September 25th is what we'll call the Overachiever's date, and you'll get three extra points. October 2nd will be the Procrastinator's date, and you get no extra points, and no points taken off. Finally, October 7th you will get 15 points taken off and so that is the Fear of Success People's date." (class giggles) "Oh, now, let's not make fun of the Fear of Success People. They can't help it."

An analogy using the class as a whole: "We are all kin...we're all thanes of each other........I'm Beowulf."

Mrs. Avery: "Beowulf was a great guy, and always did the right thing. When someone drops a $20 bill on their way to the parking lot and you see it, you have to think like a hero. Think like Beowulf."
Some Guy in the Class: "What Would Beowulf Do?"
Mrs. Avery: "Exactly......WWBD!"

So there you have it.

Yup, I've finally posted...

2008-09-22T23:19:00.004-04:00

This morning at breakfast Joel was having Peanut Butter flavored cereal. Daddy was having flavorless cereal, but put frozen blueberries in it. As he started to take the blueberries back to the freezer, Joel suddenly said, "Ohh, that's a good idea!! I can put blueberries in mine and have peanut butter and jelly cereal."

Later on at band...

Mr. Page: I want a honest show of hands, how many of you practiced this piece this past week?
[3 people raise their hands]
Mr. Page: ...Well thank you for your honesty. You guys need to practice. I know that y'all think you don't have enough time... But what are y'all doing at 4:30 in the morning?
Everyone: ..... Sleeping.

--Sarah

We get crazy late at night....

2008-09-22T23:14:00.004-04:00

Mom was looking for a book, and just a few minutes ago, Sarah bounced down the stairs into the kitchen, where I was calmly getting a drink (of cranberry juice....) and burst out into a song from a play we did 2 years ago: "I FOUND it, I FOUND it, I WRApped my hands aROUND it, and PUlled it from the PLACE where it was hi-DING!" Then she opened the refrigerator door and immediately exclaimed, "Ooo! Chocolate!" She turned around, still in the refrigerator, gasped and started bobbing side to side. "What?" I asked, beginning to be alarmed. She didn't answer, so I walked over and stood in front of her, looking in the same direction. I saw the light outside and bobbed to watch the light be obscured by the window frame and then come back into view. I'm sure we made an interesting sight. Standing in the refrigerator and bouncing back and forth.

We're probably insane, but it's at least a comfort to know that Sarah has worse symptoms than I do.

~Lizzie

Little Brothers Again

2008-09-19T21:36:00.004-04:00

David: I cut this grapefruit with the dull side of a knife.

Joel: Our refrigerator isn't working. The second time you open the door there's supposed to be something you want inside.

Random

2008-09-17T17:03:00.003-04:00

David: Hey Lizzie! Guess what? I can write with my left ear!"
Me: Really?!?
David: Yeah, you wanna see??
Me: Definitely.
David: *tucks pencil behind ear* *pulls it out and writes "with my left ear" on a sheet of paper*
Me: Haha. Very funny....

At theatre yesterday, our director decided to interview us as Oklahomians (we're doing "Oklahoma!" this year) and one of the girls was talking about the tall guy that was taking her to the hoe-down and her friend says, "Well, watch out fer thet Gertie, she'll steal him right out from under ya!"
"Aw, naw, he's too tall to fit under me!"

We all just sat there for a second and then burst out laughing.

We're getting a little weird at the beach...

2008-09-13T22:41:00.003-04:00

Marck and me were in the ocean somewhere slightly downwind from our condo, catching waves in and tumbling about. The waves start getting bigger...Jessica stands up and attempts to walk against the current back towards where the family is sitting. Marck doesn't notice this, and catches a wave, running unceremoniously right into his sister:

"You got in the way of that awesome wave!! It was huge...as big as a small wooly mammoth!"

After a successful game of "Take Two" (sometimes known as "Bananagrams"), Daddy tries to act humble:

"Well...I got to spell 'oinker'. What more does anybody want in life than to spell 'oinker'?"

Improv...

2008-09-05T13:05:00.007-04:00

Jeffrey, as the Priest, takes off his shoe and presses it against David's forehead..."This will HEEL you!!" This merits him a Groaner Foul, which he steps up to apologize for, saying, "I'm very sorry for using a groaner for that moment...but I had to bless his SOLE!" Which earned him another groaner foul, which the Loyal Fans did not forgive him for......

To a group of people taking a tour through the African Jungle: "They're not killer bees...they're just hurt-you bees." ~Ian B.

A salesman trying to sell a bathroom medical cabinet to a customer: "It comes with its own medicine...(whispers excitedly)...it's prescription!" ~Dean J.

Beastie Rap with the name "Marge":
Rapper (Robin): "Homer's wife, her name is..."
Backup (Well, just Luanna): "Bart!"

When the veteranarian comes as soon as the hamster passes out on the floor: "O-M-G, it's an ESP V-E-T!!!" ~Robin T.

On Church

2008-09-03T22:34:00.003-04:00

Sorry all the layout change! I accidentally changed this blog instead of my own. Couldn't figure out how to get it back!

Here is a quote to make amends. I like this quote from Jon Acuff of Stuff Christians Like about how he would introduce guests to his church if he pastored one.

"If this is your first time, thanks for coming. Church is kind of weird, isn't? I mean today we're going to sing songs to the person we feel breathed into existence the universe and the sea horse. We're going to learn about the person who we feel is most important but we've never actually seen. We're going to tell you how a book that is thousands of years old can help you have a better day tomorrow in your cubicle at work. And then we're going to cut you off in the parking lot after church cause we're still pretty messed up. It's going to be a little weird today but we hope you'll come back next week. Because even though it's weird, it's also wild and wonderful."

Vacation Quotes

2008-09-02T23:22:00.003-04:00

Playing Bananagrams.
Mom: What is that?!?
Joel: Holyrain. (pronounced HOLYrain)
Mom: Holyrain.
Joel: ... yeah.

Mom: Hey, you!
Dad: I'm not "hey you"! I'm his brother, Hu Yu.

Today's "thot" from Mikey's Funnies:

Confidence is the feeling you have before you really understand the problem.

Of Breakfasts and Qualifications

2008-09-02T21:17:00.002-04:00

It is eight o’clock am in a certain household. Marck sits at the table hunched over his cereal, his hair sticking out in five million directions. Jessica, having had a little too much morning coffee, bounds in and stops in the archway, beaming like the bright morning sun. Her hair is not sticking out in a million directions, but it is in a messy bun to prevent such an occurrence.

Jessica: “Hey Marck…okay, what do you get when you have a pet sea lion that eats off your floor?”

Marck (unimpressed): “What?”

Jessica: “A vacuum seal!!!” (laughs heartily)

Marck (still unimpressed): “Oh yeah? Well, what do you call a lemur that eats off the floor?”

Jessica (thinks very hard): “Uuuuhhhhh…..I don’t know.”

Marck: “A vacuum lemur!”

Jessica blinks, staring blankly……..Marck bursts out laughing……Jessica rolls her eyes.

And to top off this post, here is what Maryn has to say on quotes:

“George Gordon is still alive….he can’t be quoted!” :D I suppose we’ve been going about this all wrong, in that case.

Different translation perhaps?

2008-09-01T19:58:00.003-04:00

My little brother reading his evening Bible reading with my dad : "He entered the...snagagoo..."

Mom and I: "The WHAT??

Dad: "No, no... synagogue!"

Lyrical Simplicity

2008-08-30T11:43:00.002-04:00

As many of you may or may not know, I’ve kind of been into Ben Folds lately. The thing is, I like his lyrics, but not for the reason I usually do. You know, I like profound lyrics that seem like poetic genius and like a deep thinker wrote them…songs like, “On the Turning Away” by Pink Floyd. I’m not a big fan of the actual music of Pink Floyd. Sure, I will not argue with anyone…it is innovative and different, not your typical 5-man band sort of thing, necessarily. But it’s the “Pinkfloydian” lyrics I really like.

“On the wings of the night
As the daytime is stirring
Where the speechless unite
In a silent accord
Using words you will find are strange
And mesmerized as they light the flame
Feel the new wind of change…”

That’s just part of it, but it’s so beautiful to me. However, lately I’ve been into Ben Folds. He’s so simple in his lyrics, I have to say. Everything is straightforward; nothing is really very poetical or profound. Yet I’ve found myself falling in love with a line here, and a line there. They just stick in my head, and then I’ll be sweeping the floor or hanging up towels, and all of a sudden it will just strike me that “such and such” is a really nice lyric, and very insightful!

“I went because you said you’d be there…” This is from his song “Bruised.” That’s such an “in love” human behavior typicality, isn’t it?

Two lines from “The Luckiest”…they are so cliché, but I like them anyways: “And where was I before the day/when I first saw your lovely face?” – “And in a wide sea of eyes/I see one pair I recognize.”

“The songs you wrote/got me through a lot/just want to tell you that/but it’s too late.” *sigh* Awww…how sweet! *tear* This is from his song, “Late.”

He had a lot of other, more clever lyrics. But I just hear those and muse to myself that they are clever, and get on with life. Instead, it’s the simple ones that stick. I may do another edition of Ben Folds lyrics, but this is enough for you all to meditate on for now… ;)

Quotes & Books

2008-08-28T21:40:00.005-04:00

I love ampersands. I hereby declare I will use one in each of my blog post titles. See this website to find out I'm not the only one who likes them. A lot.

"When I discovered libraries, it was like having Christmas early."
- Jean Fritz

"Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and a few to be chewed & digested."
- Sir Francis Bacon

"We read to know we're not alone."
- C.S. Lewis

"I cannot live without books."
- Thomas Jefferson

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set I go into the other room and read a book."
- Groucho Marx

Don't those just make you want to snuggle up with a cuppa and read a good book?

Of Tap Dancing & Semicolons

2008-08-28T20:43:00.004-04:00

I am here! And well. Here is my first contribution to the quotes blog...another story from the infamous Professor Avery...

"Don't fall asleep in my class! I have a bad habit of embarrassing those people by asking them all the hard questions.

"One summer I was teaching English to a group of automotive students. It was hot & humid, and on this particular day, the air conditioning had broken. The windows were open to let cool air in, but students were still falling asleep. I was talking about something like semicolons, and decided on a way to get their attention.

"I keep on talking about semicolons...but talked more and more quietly ... softer ... softer ... and after they had all nodded off, I climbed quietly onto the desk. And started tap dancing, singing 'I'm singin' in the rain, I'm singin' in the rain!'

"They scribbled notes furiously and never went to sleep in my class again!"

The gospel.

2008-08-28T09:45:00.010-04:00

This quote by Martin Luther always sends shivers down my spine. It's so simple, because it's the gospel, but somehow it's so easy to forget! And something I've learned is that Christians need to have the gospel preached to them just as much as non-christians....to be reminded of the promises we have in Christ.

"I admit that I deserve death and hell- what of it? Does this mean that I shall be sentenced to eternal damnation? By no means! For I know one who has suffered and made satisfaction in my behalf: his name is Jesus Christ the Son of God. Where he is, there I shall be also.'

- Martin Luther

I like to be incredulous.

2008-08-27T13:37:00.004-04:00

"I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable!"

-Demetri Martin (comedian)

Swedish

2008-08-27T10:24:00.001-04:00

Here we go!
My first quote(s)!!!

(Talking about Apple Safari)

Marck: "What's up with Safari? It's just a Hunks-a-junks.

Jessica: "Hunken, junken."

Marck: "Hunken, junken."

Jessica: " That is Swedish for 'hunk of junk'"

Marck: "if you speak Hungarian you have to end everything with 'ski'"

*Pause*

Jessica: "Hunski-Junkski"

So we’re at the pool, and Alex and I had been swimming laps so Alex says…
"When I swim my slow stroke, I have to swim it fast,
or else, I'm so skinny I'll sink."
~~Alex

Last One....

Russian Coke cans.

M: "This one's my favorite."

J: "What, Koka-Kora?"

M: I don't know.

J: "Kokra-kanka?"

M: “Kroha-kronka?”

J: “Koxa-Kona

*pause*

M: "Hakuna-matata!"

well, that's all!

Bassman560

A New Semester...

2008-08-26T12:24:00.000-04:00

So I have this very fun and interesting British Literature teacher. As you all may know from my Super Honeycutt story, I have a habit of writing down everything my teachers say...as long as it will never appear on a test...heh, heh. So...I shall dub her The Professor Avery and quote her thus...

Demonstrating Old English language:
"Ick wenten to the store yesterday and the kuh-nightes loveth..."

Creating new words to circulate around the world and become part of everyday English speech:
"You can take any word...just make it up! Like....like...'dirkabiddle'! You can say, 'my dirkabiddle isn't working today' to anyone around campus...pretty soon they'll start picking it up and using it in their own sentences like they know what it means...'my dirkabiddle's in the shop today' or, 'where in the world is my dirkabiddle?'"

Right before a lecture:
"This part you're going to have to take notes on...that means utensils in your hands, moving on the paper. You'll remember; I'll forget for you."

Such is The Professor Avery...it is doubtless you will see more quotes from her...

Little brothers.

2008-08-25T07:37:00.001-04:00

My little brothers were playing with a bag of chips, and I told them to stop because they'd break all the chips. This was the response:
"Yeah, we're making more chips! 50 more chips per chip! Eventually they'll be a powder. Then, 'just add water' and you've got paste!" - Joel
"Chip paste!!!" - David

(P. S. Jess, feel free to edit my labels if you want. I can't remember what all we thought of....)

Welcome to the Quotes Only Blog!!!

2008-08-24T21:54:00.000-04:00

Sorry, I'm just really excited...we thought up the idea the other day at the pool...Lizzie, Sarah and Jessica, that is. Here on The Quotes Only Blog, it really is quotes only, along with context of said quote. An example:

Sarah on eating a hotdog Lizzie touched: "It's burning my teeth off."

Joel gave us the name for the blog...it took me a long time to write it down right, but then...it took him a long time to say it right...

"Call it: Quote, quote, quotes, unquote, are stupid, unquote." ~Joel

Of course, as you can tell, we changed it a little bit. Nonetheless, we must credit Joel. :) Sorry Lizzie...

If anyone wants to join, just let us know!