Old Crooners

When watching movies that have soundtracks of old singers like Sinatra, Louis Armstrong, Jimmy Durante, etc. I'll quiz my kids: "Quick! Who's that singing?" They usually give me the ThereGoesDadAgain eyeroll and say "I don't know." If it's a good movie, they throw in "and I don't care" to get me to shut up.

I got a shock tonight. A movie with Sinatra singing was on and I popped my usual question. Before I could finish, Sarah calmly says, "Sinatra." My jaw dropped opened and I said, "how'dja know?" "Because he's the one that sounds like Michael Buble."

Sick day amusements

David: Lizzie, can I open this juice?
Me: No, David, it has sugar in it, and you and I can't have sugar while we're still sick.
David: But it's the only juice we have! What else am I supposed to quench my thirst with?
Me: Um, water?
David: How about if there's just a little bit of sugar?
Me: No.
David: What if it's only 2 grams?
Me: No.
David: What about 1 gram?
Me: Okay, if it has only 1 gram, then you can have some.
David: *checks the back of the bottle* 25 grams. Man, missed it by THAT much. *holds up an inch*
Me: No, missed it by THAT MUCH. *hands a foot apart*
David: *gets some water*

Joel: What, you didn't open this juice?
Me: No, David and I can't have any because there's sugar in it.
Joel: But I can?
Me: As long as you're not sick.
Joel: Do you want me to tell you how good it tastes?
Me: Yes!
Joel: Really? Cause wouldn't that make you want to drink it?
Me: I already want to drink it, so I wouldn't mind knowing how it tastes.
Joel: Oh, okay.
Me: So how does it taste?
Joel: Not very good. You're lucky.

Sarah: Are you making muffins? Cause if you're making muffins, I'm going to die!
Me: "Die" in a good way, or "die" in a bad way?
Sarah: Like in a "I'M GOING TO DIE IT'S SO FLUFFY!*" kinda way.
Me: ... in that case, yes, I'm making muffins.

*Quote from "Despicable Me"

Gullible At Scrabble

At Thanksgiving we had our 2nd annual Scrabble tournament. After one of the games we came back to the table to discover that Sarah had set up the board as it is on the right. One in our party sat down to complete the task.

Lizzie: Don't do it.
Solver: I don't understand.
Lizzie: You know it can't be done!
Solver: [ignores plea]
Lizzie: She's tricking you!
Sarah and I: [watch solver work]
Lizzie: I can't believe you're falling for this!
Solver: [ignores plea]
Lizzie: [in a matter of fact voice]You know, "gullible" is written on the ceiling.
Solver, Sarah, & I: [surprised at her statement, we simultaneously look up]

Don't Listen To Me

Both David and Joel are at their computers. David asks Joel how to do something (I'm not sure what it was. Probably some inane game thing). David complains about Joel's instructions.

Joel: David! Don't ever listen to what I say again!
David: OK
Joel: YOU DID IT AGAIN!
David: WHAT?
Joel: AREN'T YOU LISTENING? YOU LISTENED TO WHAT I SAID! DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE!? CAN I BE ANY CLEARER? DO YOU GET IT NOW!?
David: [long silence]
Joel: GOOD!!

Quick! Be Clumsy

The weather is here. Our annual "Bring In The Plants" activity was done last week. Sheila, Joel, David, and I got them into the house one evening. When David set down a top heavy plant on its 3 foot high stand, it fell off. I was instantly taken back to a scene in the movie "Ronin" where Robert DeNiro covertly pushes a cup of coffee off a table to test the reaction time of a comrade played by Stellan Skarsgård. He catches the cup right above the floor without spilling a drop. Just like Stellan, David caught the plant inches from the floor. His reflexive actions were impressive.

Joel: I wish I was clumsy so I could show you how good my reflexes are.

Happiness...

On a beautiful day at Meredith, sitting in a gazebo near the pond, little droplets begin to sprinkle in the pond, and Allison remarks: "How is it raining? There's, like, no sky out!"

Me (being philosopher-ish): "In order to be happy, you have to think happy; not think about how you wish you were happy."

Marck: "Happy...happy...happy...happy...HAPPY....HAPPY!!! YES!!"

At the Sound of Music, before the show in the lobby there were goat marionettes like the ones in the show for sale.

Kara (freaking out ecstatically): "Oh, look! They have little odel-ay things!!"

In the girl's locker room after water polo, somehow the conversation had a strange shift towards the supernatural.

Rachel F.: "It would be so cool to be a ghost! Then you could be right beside someone and they wouldn't know."

Rachel J: "Yeah, you could haunt people and stuff! Follow them everywhere!"

Kara: "Oh, no...if I were a ghost, I wouldn't want to haunt anybody...that would be mean!!"

Joel: "It took me, like, a year to read Lord of the Rings."

Me: "Whoa, you're a slow reader too?"

Joel: "No...I read the first two books and halfway through the third in one week....then I lost the third book for a year, and finished reading it once I found it."

Me: "Oh."

Of guys and their tools

In English class this morning, a woman brought in a tool set for women that she had found. The next fifteen minutes we spent talking about guys and their tools.

"You know, I wouldn't have a problem with him having all these tools, and not letting me touch them, except for one thing. He leaves them lying around; there is NO organization!! I even found a hammer on my bed the other day!"

"Tools are like legos for men!!!! They can't have one, they gotta have 600!!!!! And five different screw drivers that do the exact same thing!"

Random. Like rulers and chipmunks.

Joel: you should slow down for speed bumps so you don't jump over them so far.


(while talking about ghosts) Kara: if you could come back, I don't think I would... It would be *mean* to haunt people!


(while we were having a nice family chat) Joel:*gasp* cabbages!! [runs out of the room]


Mom: Joel, would you rather have a rabbit or a banana tree?
Joel: banana tree.
Mom: I want a duck, can you give me one?
Dad: .... I'll just have a popsicle


(when we discovered a very evil bug in our car) Joel: It's weird how big it's STINGER is.


--Sarah

We ARE???

Getting dressed in the locker room after a swim meet:

Rachel F: "My pants are wet!"

Rachel J: "My shirt is wet."

Anna E: "My pants are wet, too!"

Rachel F: "Hey, guys.....we must be at a swim meet!"

Caution!!

Me: *trips going up the stairs*
Joel: "Hey, Lizzie, there's stairs there!"

A few minutes later, I was mopping up the drink that I spilled when I tripped, and Joel comes back.
Joel: "I think I'll put a 'Caution: stairs' sign at the bottom of the stairs, so you won't trip going UP the stairs anymore!"

Dude, you should've been there!!

Joel: One time, I wanted cherries for breakfast, but mom said, "no, we don't have any cherries."


After Daddy won his second Scrabble game out of two, Joel suggested they play team Scrabble.
Mom: Huh? What's that?
Joel: You like, add two people's scores together.
Mom: Oh! We should do that!
Joel: Yeah, that way, there's less losers!!


Unfortunately, these quotes are the kind where you had to have been there. The first one still cracks me up when I think of it. :P

--Sarah

Hmmm....

Jessica plays a big, deep version of "Mary Had a Little Lamb" on the piano. Marck (singing loudly and terribly out of tune): "Mary had a gigantic lamb whose fleece was white as a....a....YETI or something...."

One day after swim team:

Matt: "You ahve a Reatta sweatshirt??"

Marck: "Yeah, I made it myself."

Me: "So you have heard about Marck's Reatta possession/obsession, Matt?"

Matt: "Yes, I have."

Rachel J: "What is Reatta?  Is that a brand of clothes?"

Randomly at a Radical Wednesday:

"For some weird reason I like fighting with people...I just....like it."  ~Matt

Recommended by my mother:

"At least I know there are people in this world who are more stupid than me."  ~Jessica (moi).

Joel Gets Hit By A Pitch

Joel verbalized what he was thinking when he got hit by a pitch today. He's standing in the batters box waiting for the first pitch. As the ball comes way low and inside he thinks to himself in a 1/2 laughing voice, "Wow, that's a bad pitch." Then in a voice very similar to Farkas's toady*, he whispers a long "Ow".

It reminded me of a cartoon that makes Sarah and me laugh.


* From the movie Christmas Story. Farkas and his toady start trading licks to the arm until finally the toady whispers "Ow. Man!" and starts rubbing his injury.

The long awaited... and the basketballs.

Matt was trying to dissolve Nathan's shoelace:
Matt: I don't have my fabric dessolver!
Joel: Here, you can use mine.
Matt: Oh! Thanks. *sprays imaginary container*
Nathan: Ha! It didn't work! My shoelace is still here!
Joel: Woops!! That's not fabric dessolver! It's insta-cheese!! *sprays it in his mouth*
Nathan: Joel, you're not allowed to have any more insta-cheese.
Joel: *is devastated*
Matt: Balogna, however....
Joel: Ohh! I can have a sandwich! Insta-balogna, insta-cheese--
Matt: No! No more insta-cheese!
Joel: Ok, fine! Insta-bagel, insta-mayo, and insta-egg!! .....*makes chicken sound*...oh wait..... that's chicken.

During a Hawks Middle School game, a player from the other team falls out of bounds, and the ref blows his whistle...
*pause*
Isaac: He's out!!
Ref: ...That was a good call.
Isaac: *Pause* Thank you!

Nathan P. rode with us to the basketball games today...

Talking about recent injuries:
Nathan: what did you do to your pinkie?
David: I smashed it on the Ping Pong table going for the ball.
Nathan: Ouch.
Joel: yeah, it's been blue like that for like a month.
Nathan: I hit my hand on [something] the other day.
David: Ooo. That doesn't look bad.
Nathan: no, it wasn't that bad.
Joel: I smashed my big toe with a rock!

As we drove past a car lot:
Joel: *gasp* cool car. ... *gasp* cool car. ... *gasp* cool car.
David: Cool balloons....

Then Joel was talking about how he was going to make and sell cars when he grows up:
Joel: I'll use all my money and make one car. Then I'll sell it, and use that money to make two cars...
David: That won't work.
Joel: yeah it will.
Me: As long as you keep making the cars nicer...
Joel: I'll have to start out with hotwheels. Then move up to remote controlled cars... Then regular cars.
Nathan: And then cars that work.
Joel: yeah! Cars that run.
Nathan: Cars that have tires.
Joel: Cars that have steering wheels!!
Nathan: Your cars before are just nothing but the frame. No engine or anything.
Joel: And I have to stand up, 'cause there's no seats! To get them to go, I have to take them to the top of a hill.....
Nathan: I can see you, standing in the frame of a car with no steering wheel or tires, on the top of a hill... then give it a push and down you go! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-- then you hit a tree.

--Sarah

A lot from Marck and a little from Matt...

While I was getting my various morning vitamins out of their containers...

Marck:  "Can you get me an oregano oil capsule while you are getting one?"

Me:  "No, get one yourself."

Marck:  "But - but - but - but -but -but -but - but - rear end - but - but - but....."

As we were all trying to get down from the H's tree house:

Matt:  "Don't insult me when I'm on a swinging ladder!"

Marck was doing his Bible study while I was sorting laundry...

Marck (reading from the study text):  "What is your first impression of Saul?" (to himself):  "Hm.....Saul....Paul...."

Me:  "What book are you reading?"

Marck:  "First Samuel."

Me:  "That isn't the same Saul that becomes Paul, you know."

Marck:  "It isn't?  You mean there are two Sauls in the Bible and I don't know anybody named Saul???"

Me:  "Well, yeah."

Marck:  "I am going to name one of my kids Saul.  And another one Paul.  And when I have a girl I will name her Mall because that is her favorite place to go.  I have a fat kid and name him Ball because he will be round like one.  Then there will be Tall because he is tall.  I'll have two clumsy kids and name one Fall and the other Wall because he'll be like you and always be running into things.  And the baby's name will be Small."

The Dancing Dead

Sounds like the name of a band or something.

It's another quote heard while driving somewhere. We were recently invited to a dance/party and my boys were remarking on their distaste for the activity (dancing, not partying).

David: I wouldn't be caught dead dancing.
Joel: I wouldn't be caught dancing if I was dead.

Isn't that interesting. Both statements essentially mean the same thing, but the latter one appears ridiculous.

A few quotes that have been waiting...

While watching “The Greatest Game Ever Played” (a golf movie):
Daddy: Well, he HAS to make it, because otherwise they wouldn’t have made a movie about it.
Sarah: Nevertheless, here we are, wondering whether he’ll make it or not.

Alec: Joel, are you mad at me 'cause I killed you?
Joel: No, not really.

Marck: Jessica!!
Jessica: Yes?
Marck: ... I forgot.
A few minutes later...
Marck: Jessica!
Jessica: Yes....?
Marck: I remembered! Do you want to play flashlight tag?

~Lizzie

Christmas Day Gift

"Hot Dog! A shirt just like the one I'm wearing!"; uttered by Joel on behalf of Sarah right as the flash went off; not said by Sarah herself. And she actually did like the shirt, although the color looks the same. The one she's wearing is a knock around and the one she got was like a nice sweater.

More Will Quotes

David's friend Will stayed over again, and like last time, I've a bevy of quotes that are much more funny in person.

Will: David is an advanced form of insane. Syptoms are yelling, screaming and calling other people 'emo.'

David and Will were untangling a rope, but they called it "ripping apart the small intestines." And then David said: Hey, small intestines would work good for saving someone drowning!
Will: Yeah, just go up to someone else and say, "Hey, can I borrow this for a sec?"

Will: David! Stop hitting my knee with my hand!
*pause*
Will: Okay, stop hitting YOUR knee with my hand. Hit your own knee with your own hand.
*pause*
Will: Now you're hitting your face with my hand?
*pause*
Will: All right, *joking* I know you're mad, so you can hit my knee with my hand now.

And a bonus quote from me and Sarah.
Sarah: She thought it was funny.
Me: She didn't get it.

Nerf Incidents

Last year for Christmas, either Marck or Robert got a set of Nerf weapons...a bazooka, and a hand gun.  They are lots of fun, but there are two of those and three of us.  This particular time, I had the hand gun, Robert had the bazooka, and Marck had grabbed a yard stick out of haste in an effort to defend himself.  

Once this had gone on for a while, Robert stopped and said:  "Okay, guess who I am."  He pointed the bazooka at Marck.  " 'Wanna dance, Twinkle-Toes?' "

Marck and I stared blankly and blinked, not recalling that line being used in any movie we had seen.  "Who?"

Robert sighed and said exasperatedly, "Joel, of course!"  

A little bit later, the "battle" came to an end when I accidently shot Marck in the eye....

Jessica:  "I'm sorry, Marck."

(Marck is silent, holding an ice pack to his eye).

Dad:  "Marck, say you forgive her."

Marck:  "I do not forgive you."

Dad:  "Marck...."

Marck:  "See, I said 'I forgive you', but I just added in a few more little words!"

For the record it was an accident.  :D