Sick day amusements

David: Lizzie, can I open this juice?
Me: No, David, it has sugar in it, and you and I can't have sugar while we're still sick.
David: But it's the only juice we have! What else am I supposed to quench my thirst with?
Me: Um, water?
David: How about if there's just a little bit of sugar?
Me: No.
David: What if it's only 2 grams?
Me: No.
David: What about 1 gram?
Me: Okay, if it has only 1 gram, then you can have some.
David: *checks the back of the bottle* 25 grams. Man, missed it by THAT much. *holds up an inch*
Me: No, missed it by THAT MUCH. *hands a foot apart*
David: *gets some water*

Joel: What, you didn't open this juice?
Me: No, David and I can't have any because there's sugar in it.
Joel: But I can?
Me: As long as you're not sick.
Joel: Do you want me to tell you how good it tastes?
Me: Yes!
Joel: Really? Cause wouldn't that make you want to drink it?
Me: I already want to drink it, so I wouldn't mind knowing how it tastes.
Joel: Oh, okay.
Me: So how does it taste?
Joel: Not very good. You're lucky.

Sarah: Are you making muffins? Cause if you're making muffins, I'm going to die!
Me: "Die" in a good way, or "die" in a bad way?
Sarah: Like in a "I'M GOING TO DIE IT'S SO FLUFFY!*" kinda way.
Me: ... in that case, yes, I'm making muffins.

*Quote from "Despicable Me"

Random. Like rulers and chipmunks.

Joel: you should slow down for speed bumps so you don't jump over them so far.


(while talking about ghosts) Kara: if you could come back, I don't think I would... It would be *mean* to haunt people!


(while we were having a nice family chat) Joel:*gasp* cabbages!! [runs out of the room]


Mom: Joel, would you rather have a rabbit or a banana tree?
Joel: banana tree.
Mom: I want a duck, can you give me one?
Dad: .... I'll just have a popsicle


(when we discovered a very evil bug in our car) Joel: It's weird how big it's STINGER is.


--Sarah

Caution!!

Me: *trips going up the stairs*
Joel: "Hey, Lizzie, there's stairs there!"

A few minutes later, I was mopping up the drink that I spilled when I tripped, and Joel comes back.
Joel: "I think I'll put a 'Caution: stairs' sign at the bottom of the stairs, so you won't trip going UP the stairs anymore!"

Nerf Incidents

Last year for Christmas, either Marck or Robert got a set of Nerf weapons...a bazooka, and a hand gun.  They are lots of fun, but there are two of those and three of us.  This particular time, I had the hand gun, Robert had the bazooka, and Marck had grabbed a yard stick out of haste in an effort to defend himself.  

Once this had gone on for a while, Robert stopped and said:  "Okay, guess who I am."  He pointed the bazooka at Marck.  " 'Wanna dance, Twinkle-Toes?' "

Marck and I stared blankly and blinked, not recalling that line being used in any movie we had seen.  "Who?"

Robert sighed and said exasperatedly, "Joel, of course!"  

A little bit later, the "battle" came to an end when I accidently shot Marck in the eye....

Jessica:  "I'm sorry, Marck."

(Marck is silent, holding an ice pack to his eye).

Dad:  "Marck, say you forgive her."

Marck:  "I do not forgive you."

Dad:  "Marck...."

Marck:  "See, I said 'I forgive you', but I just added in a few more little words!"

For the record it was an accident.  :D   

It's Hip to be Random...

While watching the fireworks on the last day of the fair: “Don’t you think it would be neat if, when you die, you were cremated and made into a firework? Then you could be shot off at your funeral!” --Scott

After Marck accused me of lying to him and I told him I had just told him half of the truth, Nathan J says, “She’s been telling half the truth twice as long as she says she has.”

Mr. B. (Elizabeth and Michelle’s dad) was reading some news off the internet, including a bit about Starbucks’ profits falling 93%, and NASA had lost contact with Mars. Suddenly Sam exclaimed, “Starbucks is losing money because NASA lost communication with Mars, and Mars is where Starbucks gets all their recipies!”

Robert had taken a black marker and begun to draw a moustache on the woman on the cover of the JCPenny calalogue.
Jessica: “Well, she was pretty before.”
Marck: “And not now?”
Jessica: “Marck…are you attracted to women with facial hair?”
Marck: “Well…Aunt Ruth is my girlfriend.”

Robert’s budding comedian-isms:
Robert: “Ask me how I file my nails.”
Jessica: “Okay, how do you file your nails?”
Robert: “Under ‘N’.”

Just one of those interesting conversations:
Matt: “Yeah, fettuccine does sound good right about now.”
Jessica: “I just made some.”
Matt: “E-mail me some, if you don't mind.”
Jessica: “Well, you’ll have to wait a bit. I’ll have to upload it and convert the format....you know how some noodles don't run well on Vista...”
Matt: “Wait, do you have the same problem with macaroni that I do?”
Jessica: “Yes, macaroni gives me a terribly hard time!”
Joel: “I have a bug…when I email pineapple upside-down cake, they receive it upside-right.”
Matt: “Does it still taste okay?”
Joel: “It tastes like it’s been in the microwave for, like, three hours.”
Jessica: “Hmm…maybe there’s a problem with your server. The worst has to be sushi, though…”
Matt: “I thought sushi was strictly Macintosh. Is there some sort of hack I should have known?”
Jessica: “No, I’ve never been able to upload sushi! That must be my problem. Where did you read that?”
Matt: “My uncle is a chef. He told me.”
Jessica: “Aha…has he ever tried mashed potatoes? I’m afraid to.”
Matt: “Hundreds of times. He says the trick is to not move the bar until the progress bar is 100% completed…”

a assortment of quotes that have piled up.

As we walked by our brothers, staring at their computer screens...
Lizzie: Every time I walk by my brothers, I am awed by their intelligence.

At band...
Mr. Page: With this piece, y'all have to be able to watch at two pages at the same time. You have to watch at that page, and this Page. *points at himself*

Also at band. (unfortunately, this would be funnier if I spoke french, but with the help of a translation site, I took a wild guess at what was said in french...)
Mr. Page: OK trumpets, y'all aren't getting this part... *bum-bums it* ...Ok? Just the trumpets...
Mark: I don't have that part, I have nothing then something totally different.
Mr. Page: Oh, well then just double with Danny for it. *They play it.*
Mr. Page: that was better... ...again.
Mark: but, that part here goes right into my part.
Mr Page: yeah, just go straight out of that into yours, Ok?
Mark: ....
Mr. Page: Comprenez?
Mark: Oh. I get it.
Mr. Page: L'obtenir?.... Bien?...... Obtenu il?
Mark: I GET IT.


We were talking about how David's behavior has been improving lately...
Joel: What? He attacked me this morning!!
Daddy: Because you broke his lego scene.
Joel: No, because I broke his lego airplane. I accidentally hit it with a beanie baby.
Me: How'd you do that?
Joel: I was throwing it at David.
Lizzie: Why?
Joel: He was throwing them at me!
Lizzie: And why was he doing that?
Joel: I don't know...
David: He karate chopped me!!
Daddy: Why'd you do that?
Joel: I was trying to read, and he was dancing like a ghost!
David: SO??
Daddy: what's wrong with that?
Joel: On my BED.

While we were talking about how I needed a new lens for my camera(my zoom lens is broken!) :(
Joel: if you had a zoom lens and a microscope lens they'd cancel each other out and you wouldn't have a lens at all.

--Sarah

Driving skillzz

My little sister and our friend Kara are doing the driving portion of driver's ed this week. We picked them up today (to take David to basketball, and to return Kara to her dad [who is the basketball coach, for those who don't know] and then take Sarah to band). They got out of the driver's ed car and the first thing Kara says to me is....
Kara: Sarah's a better parker than you.
Mrs. SC (the only driver's ed teacher that homeschoolers get. :P ): Yep, we're going to make her a better parker than you.
Me: *is immensely hurt, not only at the cruel comparison of my honed parking skills to that of my newly driving little sister, but also that I didn't merit a "hey" from my friend, whom I hadn't seen for one whole day*

Have I mentioned that I hate parking?

~Lizzie

Alternate personalities and sharing hands.

Lately I've been amusing myself by talking to Sarah and Joel's alternate personalities.

Jenny (Sarah's alternate personality with a high-pitched voice): I want some ice cream!
Me: Oh, Jenny's back! You've been gone a while.
Jenny: Yes, I went to New Zee-*gasp*-a-land! I got to *gasp* see the canyon-thing they were riding through when they were being chased by the White Witch's army!
Me: Are you blonde?
Jenny: Yes..... why do you ask?

Lenny (One of Joel's alternate personalities. He has two, the other is called Bubba and Bubba is more popular): No one likes me.
Me: Well, Lenny, Bubba usually shows up whenever Joel's at swimming and stuff. None of Joel's friends know about you. They might like you if you'd just let them meet you.
Lenny: I don't want to.
Me: Then stop complaining that no one likes you. Joel's family are the only people that know you, and we all like you.

And I just forgot what Lenny said about Joel, so I asked Jenny, who is sitting next to me at the moment.

Me: Do you remember what Lenny said about Joel?
Jenny: No, I don't.
Me: Go back to being Sarah for a second, Sarah's not blonde.
Jenny: I don't want to go back to being Sarah, she's too stressed out; she annoys me.

(disclaimer: they don't REALLY have alternate personalities, they just do it for fun)

Earlier today on the way to basketball practice David was holding out one of his hands and telling Joel, "Okay, this is you." And then Joel smacked the hand and David laughed. "You're hitting yourself! That's you!"
Joel hit his hand 3 more times.
David: That's you! Ow, ow!!

It was funny, but I had to make them stop. After all, Joel was hitting David.... even though they both thought it was funny.

~Lizzie

Wednesday Quotes

Daddy: *finishes swimming butterfly* Joel, how did I look?
Joel: No child should have to see their parent swim butterfly.

On the way to Radical Wednesday prayer meeting...

Sarah: I have an imaginary friend and Joel has two alternate personalities. Which one is more weird??
Kara: I'm not going to answer that.... In my world and my country, they call me normal.
Sarah: What is normal? What are cows?
Kara: Humphrey is a cow.

Sarah: Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy is a great movie!
Kara: I think my brother read the book, who was it written by?
Sarah: I confess..... I wrote it.
Kara: So THAT's why you're so stressed! All the hate mail.
Sarah: *shocked* You know about the hate mail???
Kara: *smug* I know all.
Sarah: Ah! You wrote it, didn't you?!?
Kara: *no comment*

*silence*
Kara: A duck died. (Referring to the saying that for every awkward silence, somewhere a duck dies)
Sarah: Abraham Lincoln! (Referring to the saying that for every awkward silence, someone in the conversation is thinking of Abraham Lincoln)
Kara: No! You didn't think of Abraham Lincoln! (Kara doesn't like the Abraham Lincoln saying.)
Sarah: I had to think it to say it!!!!!
Kara: *hmph*

On the way home from Radical Wednesday....

The boys are begging for a bedtime extension since their friend Will is staying over tonight.
Daddy: Well, you can't stay up too late or you won't get up on time in the morning.
Will: OO!! I know how to get them up! Whenever I'm here, they lean over the side of the bed and STARE.. at me til I wake up.
Joel:.... we're just waiting for you to wake up.
Will: Well, you could say, "Wake up, Will!" or throw pillows are me or something. You don't have to STARE.. at me.

During the prayer meeting, David fell out of his chair.
Will: So, David, I just have one question.... how did you manage to fall out of the chair? You just fell out, and I looked at you and you were bleeding all over the place, and I was like, Oh, gosh, he's split his mouth!
David: Yeah, I just had my feet up...
Will: And then you're like "doo, it's cobing frob by dose" and go running out of the room. And I was like, oh my gosh, he's bleeding severely, he needs medical attention! I was getting ready to get someone to call 911. I'm surprised you didn't go into a coma. Didn't it hurt?
David: Naw... well, the impact hurt a little, but the nosebleed didn't hurt.
Will: Well, OF COURSE the impact hurt!
Joel: *mutters* Nosebleeds are fun.
Will: OMGosh, did you just say that nosebleeds are fun?
Joel: Yeah...
Will: *sarcastically* Oh, oh, yes!! I'm bleeding all over my arm!! *pumps fist* Yes!! Ooo, it's running down my face! Yay!! *pumps fist again*

Yup, I've finally posted...

This morning at breakfast Joel was having Peanut Butter flavored cereal. Daddy was having flavorless cereal, but put frozen blueberries in it. As he started to take the blueberries back to the freezer, Joel suddenly said, "Ohh, that's a good idea!! I can put blueberries in mine and have peanut butter and jelly cereal."

Later on at band...

Mr. Page: I want a honest show of hands, how many of you practiced this piece this past week?
[3 people raise their hands]
Mr. Page: ...Well thank you for your honesty. You guys need to practice. I know that y'all think you don't have enough time... But what are y'all doing at 4:30 in the morning?
Everyone: ..... Sleeping.

--Sarah

We get crazy late at night....

Mom was looking for a book, and just a few minutes ago, Sarah bounced down the stairs into the kitchen, where I was calmly getting a drink (of cranberry juice....) and burst out into a song from a play we did 2 years ago: "I FOUND it, I FOUND it, I WRApped my hands aROUND it, and PUlled it from the PLACE where it was hi-DING!" Then she opened the refrigerator door and immediately exclaimed, "Ooo! Chocolate!" She turned around, still in the refrigerator, gasped and started bobbing side to side. "What?" I asked, beginning to be alarmed. She didn't answer, so I walked over and stood in front of her, looking in the same direction. I saw the light outside and bobbed to watch the light be obscured by the window frame and then come back into view. I'm sure we made an interesting sight. Standing in the refrigerator and bouncing back and forth.

We're probably insane, but it's at least a comfort to know that Sarah has worse symptoms than I do.

~Lizzie

Little Brothers Again

David: I cut this grapefruit with the dull side of a knife.

Joel: Our refrigerator isn't working. The second time you open the door there's supposed to be something you want inside.

Random

David: Hey Lizzie! Guess what? I can write with my left ear!"
Me: Really?!?
David: Yeah, you wanna see??
Me: Definitely.
David: *tucks pencil behind ear* *pulls it out and writes "with my left ear" on a sheet of paper*
Me: Haha. Very funny....

At theatre yesterday, our director decided to interview us as Oklahomians (we're doing "Oklahoma!" this year) and one of the girls was talking about the tall guy that was taking her to the hoe-down and her friend says, "Well, watch out fer thet Gertie, she'll steal him right out from under ya!"
"Aw, naw, he's too tall to fit under me!"

We all just sat there for a second and then burst out laughing.

We're getting a little weird at the beach...

Marck and me were in the ocean somewhere slightly downwind from our condo, catching waves in and tumbling about. The waves start getting bigger...Jessica stands up and attempts to walk against the current back towards where the family is sitting. Marck doesn't notice this, and catches a wave, running unceremoniously right into his sister:

"You got in the way of that awesome wave!! It was huge...as big as a small wooly mammoth!"


After a successful game of "Take Two" (sometimes known as "Bananagrams"), Daddy tries to act humble:

"Well...I got to spell 'oinker'. What more does anybody want in life than to spell 'oinker'?"

Of Breakfasts and Qualifications

It is eight o’clock am in a certain household. Marck sits at the table hunched over his cereal, his hair sticking out in five million directions. Jessica, having had a little too much morning coffee, bounds in and stops in the archway, beaming like the bright morning sun. Her hair is not sticking out in a million directions, but it is in a messy bun to prevent such an occurrence.

Jessica: “Hey Marck…okay, what do you get when you have a pet sea lion that eats off your floor?”

Marck (unimpressed): “What?”

Jessica: “A vacuum seal!!!” (laughs heartily)

Marck (still unimpressed): “Oh yeah? Well, what do you call a lemur that eats off the floor?”

Jessica (thinks very hard): “Uuuuhhhhh…..I don’t know.”

Marck: “A vacuum lemur!”

Jessica blinks, staring blankly……..Marck bursts out laughing……Jessica rolls her eyes.


And to top off this post, here is what Maryn has to say on quotes:

“George Gordon is still alive….he can’t be quoted!” :D I suppose we’ve been going about this all wrong, in that case.

Different translation perhaps?

My little brother reading his evening Bible reading with my dad : "He entered the...snagagoo..."

Mom and I: "The WHAT??

Dad: "No, no... synagogue!"

Swedish

Here we go!
My first quote(s)!!!

(Talking about Apple Safari)

Marck: "What's up with Safari? It's just a Hunks-a-junks.

Jessica: "Hunken, junken."

Marck: "Hunken, junken."

Jessica: " That is Swedish for 'hunk of junk'"

Marck: "if you speak Hungarian you have to end everything with 'ski'"

*Pause*

Jessica: "Hunski-Junkski"

So we’re at the pool, and Alex and I had been swimming laps so Alex says…
"When I swim my slow stroke, I have to swim it fast,
or else, I'm so skinny I'll sink."
~~Alex

Last One....

Russian Coke cans.

M: "This one's my favorite."

J: "What, Koka-Kora?"

M: I don't know.

J: "Kokra-kanka?"

M: “Kroha-kronka?”

J: “Koxa-Kona

*pause*

M: "Hakuna-matata!"

well, that's all!

Bassman560

Little brothers.

My little brothers were playing with a bag of chips, and I told them to stop because they'd break all the chips. This was the response:
"Yeah, we're making more chips! 50 more chips per chip! Eventually they'll be a powder. Then, 'just add water' and you've got paste!" - Joel
"Chip paste!!!" - David

(P. S. Jess, feel free to edit my labels if you want. I can't remember what all we thought of....)